


Freaks Like Me

by Zaithiest



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Bottom Zayn, Drinking, First Time, I don't like tagging, Louis and Harry comedic relief, M/M, Niall doesn't exist appearantly, Smut, Top Liam, duh - Freeform, i feel like i'm spoiling it, larry - Freeform, oh no niall, original female plays small role but i like her, ziam, ziam smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-12 14:24:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7108993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaithiest/pseuds/Zaithiest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Our love's a monster with two heads and one heartbeat</i><br/> </p><p>Zayn has a knack for getting himself into trouble. It isn't really a problem, until he needs saving. Luckily, Liam has a knack for just that and a couple of friends help too.</p><p> </p><p>“You're one sulky son-of-a-bitch you know that? There's about a billion blokes out there who are destined to die alone and you ain't one of them. You're blessed, special even and here you are whining in front of some measly pub at the edge of Who Cares and No Man's Land saying you 'can't love him right'... if I know anything about arse over tits, you're the definition. Don't torture yourself with this whole 'I can't love' because you'll never actually know unless ya give it a go. And who better to love than someone who loves you?”</p><p>“Love seems like a whole lotta trouble. Good thing I'm great at trouble.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Freaks Like Me

Too much to drink. Zayn had way too much to drink and yet he downed another shot slamming the small, empty glass down onto the bar. He loved the foggy daydream he burned in, the crowd he got lost in, the music he grew deaf to. 

There was little to love in the scene before him. The girls with too tight skirts and barely covered thighs. The boys with sloppily unbuttoned shirts and crude manners. Older men pulling in young victims with relentless grips and rough movement. 

Hips to hips, chest to chest, grabbing everywhere never lingering on the same person for too long before eyeing another body to seduce, another scent to add to his headache the next morning. 

He loved it. 

It was all he knew really. College was a blow, high school was the prequel and in between were summers that mushed together in different basements, clubs off the beaten path, bars with little to no morals and teens to match. 

Now, Zayn's age was nothing important, nothing anyone had to ask for when they tried to sweep him away into an unmade bed, a brick wall, their friends couch. He was old enough that consent meant little to anyone taken by his dark charm and young enough that he still had that fresh new confidence everyone fell for. 

But tonight Zayn had just a glass too much to drink, just one shot he shouldn't have downed with such ferocity. 

There was little resistance left in him when the man pressed to his back flipped him around and shoved his lips onto Zayn's with too much teeth and too much tongue and a too tight grip. 

It wasn't Zayn's style. He was never this messy, he took pride in the subtle finesse he owned, the mystery that always enticed his patrons and his infamous ability to have such control even in his submissiveness. 

Not now. Zayn struggled to gain control as the stranger shoved him lips first out the door and into the frigid air. 

“Where are we go-” Zayn tried to speak but conversation seemed insignificant to the man and was clearly demonstrated in the way he cut off Zayn's words with another hungry mess of lips. 

He walked with forceful strides that had Zayn stumbling over his own feet. 

“You're hot.” 

His voice was raspy, most likely from the cigarettes that stained his breath mixed with the alcohol that slurred his words. There was something off about it though, something even drunk Zayn could place. 

The intention was too overwhelming and not mutual, a bit of a turn off and a bit of a sobering factor. 

“Listen, it's been fun but I really have to go.” 

“Where to? And so soon? You didn't seem in a rush to leave a couple minutes ago.” 

“I'm flattered, really, it's just that this isn't going to work out. It's not you, it's me,” Zayn backed up in the same sarcastic manner he spoke in. 

The man grinded his teeth with a throaty growl and grabbed Zayn's arm before he could get any farther. 

“I don't think so.” 

Zayn was shoved into the wall of the bar with a wince that made a few chain smokers glance at the scene but turn away without any interest. 

“Public nudity and prison aren't really my thing but maybe I'll catch you around some other time, yeah?” Zayn made a move to the left but the man pressed his forearm against his chest. 

“Nobody's lookin' ” The man insisted moving closer to Zayn so that he could grind their hips together. 

“We could of done this on the dance floor, no need to come out here. Say, why don't we head back inside. Ladies first.” Zayn gestured to the door but the man only tightened his grip. 

“But they don't really allow this,” the man spoke at the same time he wormed his hand down Zayn's pants. 

Zayn grabbed the man's arm and tried to push away but the man just groped him more. 

“Get off me.” Zayn said through clenched teeth and struggling arms. 

“Don't act like you don't love this.” 

“Trust me, m'not acting.” 

The man let out another growl at the comment and shoved Zayn harder into the bricks before tugging at the fabric of Zayn's underwear. 

“Hey, Hey!” Zayn's fingers fumbled to get a tight grip on the man's perverse hand but to no avail. “I said stop!” 

The man grinned with oily lips and thrusted them onto Zayn's in another suffocating kiss. Zayn eyes went wide but his protests where muffled and so he bit down. Hard. 

“Son of a mother fu-” The man cursed pressing dirty fingers at the fresh wound on his lip. 

Zayn wiped the man's blood off his own lip and took a clumsy step away from the wall but just as he did the man swung his fist into Zayn's cheek and Zayn's head was thrown back into the wall with a sickening crunch followed by ringing in his ears. 

“You little shit!” The man screamed throwing another fist towards Zayn but the boy ducked and the man's hand shattered at contact with the wall. 

Zayn took this moment to run, though he didn't get very far before his vision went blurry and he stumbled right into another stranger. 

“Whoa, mate. You all right?” 

The new stranger held him up with a steady grip and Zayn would have thanked him for it had he not heard the man cussing and shouting behind him. 

“Run.” Zayn said, blood outlining his teeth and dripping over his tongue. “C'mon, he's coming.” 

The stranger looked confused but understood and helped Zayn to run as best he could. 

“Where are we going?” The stranger asked. 

“Anywhere, just run,” Zayn responded focusing more on the fading voice of the man behind them. 

It was all to fast. The way Zayn's legs gave out from under him and his eyes went dark. It all happened so fast. How the stranger caught him before he could hit the ground, how he heard just enough to know he was safe. 

“Shit, shit. All right, you'll be all right, yeah? Jesus, I got you, you're gonna be okay.”

-:-:-:-:-

When Zayn woke up, it wasn't with an empty bottle or in some strange bar. It was, however, on a strangers couch with a green eyed boy staring inches away from his face. 

“Hello.” The green eyed boy said with a charming accent and a dimpled smile. 

“Who the fuck are you?” 

“That's Harry.” Another voice said from somewhere behind the couch. “He's a doctor” 

“Well, almost. Just another three years of school. Right now I'm just a nurse.” 

“Okay so he's gonna be a doctor, point is he saved your life. You're welcome.” 

“Actually, I didn't really do anything. It was only a minor concussion. You'll be fine.” 

A short boy with fringey hair and two mugs of something steaming appeared from behind the couch. 

“I'm Louis,” The short boy introduced himself. “And you are?” 

“Zayn.” 

“Nice to meet you, Zayn. Tea?” 

Zayn looked skeptically at the boy and then at the outstretched mug but he took it nonetheless because who was he to refuse free beverages. 

“If you don't mind me asking, how did I get here?” 

“Funny that. We don't actually know.” Louis said sitting at the edge of the couch. 

“Liam didn't tell us that much.” Harry added standing up and making his way to the chair that sat adjacent to the sofa. 

“Liam?” Zayn asked trying his hardest to remember anything from the night before. 

“Yeah, all he said was you were in some sort of trouble and you must've hit your head 'cause you passed out.” Harry explained and fragments of running and clinging to a strangers coat flashed through Zayn's head. 

“He also said you seemed pretty drunk so Haz couldn't give you any proper medication just yet.” Louis joined in before sipping his tea. 

“Or anytime soon for that matter. Not a doctor yet.” 

“Well, legally but that never really mattered anyway.” 

“Anyway, he just went out to get some food. He'll be back in a minute or two.” 

“Breakfast anyone?”

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Really, so soon?” 

“Thank you, Liam, for everything but I really have to go now-” Zayn shrugged on the second shoulder of his coat and fixed the collar. 

“Not even for pancakes?” Liam wanted to know this kid more. He had no insight, no detail. All he knew about him was his name, Zayn and that Zayn had a habit of causing trouble and that Zayn also had lovely eyes. Enchanting eyes really. But it wasn't enough. Liam didn't get a phone number, an address. There was no “See you around.” or “I _hope_ I see you around.” 

As soon as Liam had walked in the door to his flat, Zayn looked up from his cereal but didn't say a word until Liam had outstretched his hand, grocery bag swaying and the scent of something wafting into the flat. 

“Thought you guys wanted pancakes?” 

“You took too long.” Louis said but grabbed the bag Liam was carrying anyway. 

“Anyway, s'nice to see you conscious, mate. Name's Liam.” He had said, hand reaching out. 

“Zayn.” Zayn introduced himself with a quick smile. 

“You feelin' all right?” 

“Bit of a hangover but nothing I can't handle.” Zayn shrugged. “Do you em- do you know what happened to me last night?” 

“Not really. You were running, ran right into me actually. Said someone was after you or something. You just made it very clear we had to run so we did but you kinda passed out before we could get to my flat. Your head and lip were bleeding so I called Harry, made sure it was nothing majorly serious or anything.” 

Zayn nodded at the story, bits and pieces of memory shaping in his mind's eye. A man with a sinful amount of cologne and a relenting grip. 

He shivered. 

“Thanks,” Zayn said looking up at Liam. “For helping me out. Most people would just call the cops.” 

“Nah, man. Didn't seem like you needed to be in any more trouble than you already were.” 

“Yeah.” Zayn half laughed. “Um, yeah, thanks again. For everything. I should, uh, get going though.” 

“Really so soon?” Liam asked and that's how they ended up where they were; Zayn halfway to the door, Liam halfway to Zayn, Harry watching, and Louis doing the same but with a spoon between his lips. 

Zayn sighed. Liam asking him to stay meant conversation and Zayn was never really good at. The type of conversations that weren't cocky pick up lines and cheesy offers to buy a drink. Zayn was never really good at falling for someone. 

“Thanks again.” Zayn looked at Liam for just a moment, nodded at Louis and Harry, and left. 

“I'll stay for pancakes, Liam.” 

“Shut up Lou.”

-:-:-:-:-:-

Zayn pulled away and gagged slightly at the string of spit still connecting him the stranger in front of him. He didn't know if it was the new, bright blue drink he had tried earlier that night or the DJ, but he wasn't into it. 

“Somethin' the matter, babe?” The stranger, Zayn thought his name was Darren, asked. 

Zayn gave him a weary smile. 

“I don't know that this is working.” Zayn said truthfully. 

Darren smirked and kissed him hard grinding Zayn into the edge of a table. 

“Is it working now?” He asked. 

Zayn thought for a moment and bit his lip. 

“Try pulling on my hair a bit, yeah?” 

“Yeah, alright.” 

So they sunk into another uneventful kiss, Darren tangling his hand in Zayn's hair, Zayn breaking away early. 

“Nope, not doing anything mate, sorry.” Zayn shrugged. 

“Are you sure?” He asked so Zayn grabbed Darren's hand and pressed it against his dick. 

“Pretty sure.” 

“Wow, your not even a little hard.” 

“Not even a little.” 

“Well we can try-” 

“No thanks. I'm going to get drunk now.” Zayn interrupted before another god-awful snogging session could commence. 

“Wait, Zach!” Darren called out, reaching for the boy walking away from him but Zayn continued walking. 

Though, just before he could get too far, Zayn stopped and turned. 

“It's Zayn.” He said before turning back around and all but strutted out the door. 

The next bar Zayn entered was one he had only been in once before, many years ago. It was the same in the sense it was just like any other joint Zayn had been to. 

Desperate onlookers waiting their turn, young people swarming the dance floor with their friends, their lovers and everyone in between. 

Zayn was frustrated enough from his last encounter he skipped the dance floor and headed straight towards the bar. 

“What can I- Zayn?” 

Zayn's head shot up from studying the dark streaks engrained in the wood of the bar. 

“Liam. What are you doing here?” Zayn asked forgetting about his much needed drink. 

“I work here.” Liam answered. “I haven't seen you here before.” 

“Haven't been here in years, since high school actually.” 

“Well what can I get for you?” 

“Something strong,” Zayn answered and turned away from the bar so that his lower back was pressed against it. 

“You look way too stressed to be having any fun.” A girl said bouncing to the rhythm and biting her lip. 

“Not stressed just not drunk.” 

“I can help with that.” She offered shrinking the space between them. 

“No thanks lovey, but I think you can help out that lonely looking fellow over there.” Zayn turned the girl around by her shoulders so that she could see the man he was referring to. 

She sighed turned around with less ambition. 

“I can't even buy you a drink?” 

“You can but it won't change anything so keep your money and get laid.” 

She pouted and thought about it before sticking her chest out and straightening her face. 

“You don't know what you're missing.” 

“I know, I suck. Run along now.” Zayn shooed and the girl sauntered into the crowd and straight up to the for-mentioned wanker moments before they both walked out the door. 

Zayn shook his head and turned back around just as Liam pushed a sour looking drink towards him. 

“She didn't stand a chance did she?” Liam asked. 

Zayn just looked at Liam who looked sadly after the girl and took a long, burning drink whatever was in his cup until nothing was left. 

He choked back the flavor and pushed his bills onto the counter. 

“I'm going to dance.” Zayn stated and did just that. 

The middle of the dance floor was sweaty and too tight. Zayn didn't know who was grabbing him but he thought it was better that way anyhow. It was easier to pretend it was someone else when he hadn't seen their face. 

It might have been hours or minutes, Zayn couldn't tell. All the songs had the same beat, all the dancers had the same hands, all the drinks burned with the same fire. 

All those nights, all those years, he wasted them the same way. 

“You wanna get out of here?” 

Zayn continued washing his hands but looked up into the mirror to see the man behind him. 

“The toilet?” Zayn asked. 

The man laughed lowly and scratched his beard. 

“The pub, my flat's not too far from here-” 

“I'm sorry mate, do I know you?” Zayn asked drying his hands and tossing away the towel before turning around. 

The man's smile dropped. 

“We were just dancing- How plastered are you?” 

“Not nearly as much as I would like to be tonight. And definitely not enough to go home with you.” 

The man's lip twitched as he crowded Zayn against the sinks. 

“Alright lads?” 

Both Zayn and the snarling stranger looked up to see Liam enter, friendly tone contradicted by his crossed arms and stone face. 

“Yeah,” The man growled pushing away from Zayn. “Alright.” He said looking Liam up and down before shoving out the door. 

Liam turned back to Zayn with a softer look. 

“You good?” He asked watching as Zayn nodded and looked down at the scrapped toe of his shoe. “Are you okay to get home and everything?” Zayn crossed his arms and looked up but was silent. “Right then, I've got a bar to tend to so-” Liam moved to head out but Zayn took a step forward. 

“How did you know?” Zayn asked. 

“Sorry?” 

“How did you know I was in trouble?” 

“I didn't, I mean I sorta guessed. He was watching you for hours and after you left him on the dance floor he seemed a little- ya know. So I followed him after he followed you. I guess I've been working in these crappy old pubs long enough to know what goes on in them.” Liam explained ending with half a laugh. 

Zayn nodded and wobbled a bit trying to get his mush brain to make sense of everything. 

“I'll see you around, Zayn.” Liam added and slipped out the door. 

Zayn was definitely not drunk enough for any of this.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-

“We really have to stop meeting like this.” Liam said arms crossed, breath heavy. 

Zayn stepped away from the wall, his shirt ripping like Velcro from where the cotton caught on the rough face of the brick, and didn't bother to look back at the man running out of the ally who held him there just moments ago. 

He didn't say a word or so much as shrug, Zayn simply looked at Liam with a sort of hidden emotion, a blank quiet one without a name sat between curiosity and fear. 

“Are you drunk yet?” Liam asked seeing as Zayn wasn't going to reply to his first comment. 

Zayn just shook his head and redid the last few buttons on his shirt. 

“Good.” Liam said. “Go home.” 

Zayn scowled. 

“You're not my keeper.” He said words defensive but voice a soft low hum. 

“You sure? 'Cause that's the third time I've saved your ass this month.” 

“I've no where to go.” Zayn lied. 

“Then wait ten minutes and come home with me.” Liam offered. 

“I don't fuck on the first date, kudos for trying though.” 

Liam rolled his eyes. 

“I'm not saving you anymore.” 

“Whatev's babe, have you got a cigarette.” 

“Don't smoke.” 

“Aww, boo. You're one of those aren't you.” 

“Stop.” 

“Stop what?” 

“This, this thing you do. I'm not some fuckboy trying to get with you so stop treating me like one.” 

Zayn's face dropped, persona gone. 

Because Liam wasn't. Liam was never his game, his chase. Liam was never his and Zayn knew that all too well. Liam was too kind for Zayn's snarkiness, he was too giving for what Zayn took, Liam was everything Zayn wasn't and Zayn was everything Liam should stay away from. 

“Gonna get drunk.” He stated flatly. “See ya on the flippity flop.”

-:-:-:-:-

“Thought you were going to get drunk?” Liam asked sliding into the booth in the back of a tiny dinner frequented by locals and groups of drunk college guys who couldn't get laid. 

Zayn finished off the rest of his coffee and sighed. 

“Thought you were going home.” 

“Got a lot on my mind.” Liam said and paused a moment. “So why didn't you?” 

“Go home?” 

“Get drunk.” 

Zayn looked at Liam a while before answering. 

“Not in the mood anymore.” 

“'Cause of what I said?” 

“'Cause I'm not in the mood anymore.” 

Liam squinted and sat back in the booth. 

“Do you really have no place to go?” 

“I've got lot's of places; Blue Castle, Bud's, the new one on fifth-” 

“You know what I mean.” 

Zayn looked at him a while, playing out his options. 

“'M'not a bloody bum if that's what you're askin'.” 

“You're not still mad at me are you?” Liam asked and something about it seemed sweetly innocent. 

Zayn softened. 

“No, no I was- I wasn't mad. I don't want charity, yeah? I've got a home, I can take care of myself. Maybe I have a habit of getting in trouble and maybe, recently, I've been hoping that it means I get to see you more often.” 

Liam's face was straight and he coughed to keep his composure but Zayn could see the rosy pink that illuminated his face. 

“Looks like it worked then.” Liam commented finally. 

“Looks like it.”

-:-:-:-:-:-:-

“Does this count as a date if I'm on break?” 

“Does it count as sex if you wear a condom?' 

“Fair enough.” Harry shrugged. 

“You two are chronically sexual.” Liam groaned taking another long drink of his shake as Harry squeezed into the booth. 

Liam looked around but Zayn wasn't there. It was almost silly to think he would be. It had been almost two weeks since their last conversation, two weeks since the last time Liam saw him, two weeks since he promised never to save that boys ass ever again so why did Liam feel so guilty that he hasn't saved Zayn's ass in almost two weeks? It's not like he saw him in that time so that he _could_ save his ass and what really where they anyway? Some stupid ass-saving duo that constantly got each other in and out of trouble? 

Though, technically, Zayn didn't know how much trouble he got Liam in. His boss constantly yelling at him for leaving the bar unattended or chasing away customers or being too busy watching the cameras to make proper drinks. 

“It ain't porn, Payno,” His boss had said “Stop watching it like your jerking off back there!” 

It was worth it, Liam thought, if it meant having an excuse to talk to Zayn again or even just see Zayn again, just to know he was okay. 

But the dark haired enigma of a boy never showed. Not at the pub, not the diner, not randomly in the street. It was like he disappeared back to the nonexistence before Liam and him had met. Even Louis would ask about him sometimes and Harry would quote some obnoxiously romantic poem and Liam would be tied up in an endless chain of thoughts crafted articulately into a noose and pulled tight around his neck at every new possibility. 

“One tea, two sugars please.” 

Liam looked up and the rope of thought dissolved around his throat. 

“Zayn.” 

It was a breath really, not even a word but the boy at the counter heard him and looked up with bright eyes. 

Liam heard Harry whisper some sappy sentence about clocks and the ticks of a heart as he slid from the booth and met Zayn who was handing over a wad of cash and receiving a cardboard cup in return. 

“Haven't seen you in a while.” 

“Haven't been around.” Zayn didn't meet his eyes after the initial shock and Liam wondered if he looked different somehow in the light of day than the usual canvas of night colored in with neon lights. 

“Where've you been then?” 

“Working.” 

“What's that?” 

Zayn's eyes looked up in a quick way that had them falling down again the the mouth of his cup. 

“There's no scary men here, we aren't in a pub.” 

Liam laughed but the whole situation felt oddly foreign like he had met a different Zayn those nights he chased off harlots, like he had gotten to know the Zayn in his head a whole lot better than the actual person. 

“I can see that.” 

“Then what are you saving me from?” 

The drop of a smile, the drop of a pin. 

“I just- are you okay?” 

Zayn looked tired, disheveled, hungover and wounded. He was a mess and Liam thought maybe he had seen him before but cast him aside as just another random kid wasting his life away. 

“I have to go.” 

Zayn turned and for one quick moment Liam let him go, but only for a moment before Liam knew he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he did. 

“Zayn.” Liam spoke and everything moved in slow motion, the way he grabbed Zayn's arm, the way he heard him hiss under his breath, how he pulled Zayn closer and yanked up his sleeve. “How did you get this?” Liam asked lowly, worried, fingers gently examining the purple bruise wrapped around Zayn's wrist like a glove. 

Zayn didn't look at Liam once. Not when he tugged his sleeve back over his arm, not when he took a sideways glace at Louis and Harry sitting in a booth watching intensely as the scene played out, and certainly not as he walked away with long, heavy strides. 

Zayn didn't look at Liam once so that Liam wouldn't have to see the fear that lingered in his eyes. 

Liam wasn't there to save him anymore.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Alright, babe?” 

The girl looked too sweet to be in a club like the one they were in, Zayn, however, felt at home again. He threw his inhibitions away with his sobriety and threw himself into the first pair of arms he saw. That was before something saddening wandered into his head and he found himself moping at the bar with a glass rum watered down by the lonely piece of ice that melted in it. 

“Have you got any smokes?” 

Five minutes later the girl, Theresa, and Zayn were sat on the curb whittling down their cigarettes with each breath and flicking the ashes into the street. 

“So she just left you here after that?” Zayn asked tapping his cigarette on the curb. 

“Yup, there isn't anything a girl wouldn't do just to feel she's loved.” She sighed, smoked and looked at Zayn. “Or a guy I s'pose. What are you doing in this sad little town? Looking for love too?” 

Zayn took a long breath in, one filled with smoke and tar and fire and let it burn in his chest and seep into his blood and looked up at the stars. 

“I don't know what I'm doing here but I know it's not for love. I wasn't made for it.” 

“Everybody's made for love you twat, I reckon you just have found it yet.” 

“Oh trust me, I've found it.” Zayn laughed humorlessly. 

“Then what are you waiting for?” 

“I can't love him the way he needs- the way he deserves, I just can't. I told you, m'not made for it.” 

“You're one sulky son-of-a-bitch you know that?” Theresa rubbed the ember of her cigarette into the cement. “There's about a billion blokes out there who are destined to die alone and you ain't one of them. You're blessed, special even and here you are whining in front of some measly pub at the edge of Who Cares and No Man's Land saying you 'can't love him right'. What a load of shit. Get out of me face and go fuck 'im already.” 

At first they were mad then a subtle sadness blanketed them and all of the sudden they were laughing. They were laughing hard and clutching their stomachs and wiping away tears. 

“Holy shit.” Zayn said finally. “I love him.” 

“Damn right you do!” Theresa cheered on. 

“I love him.” Zayn said again as if to reassure himself and stood up. “I do, I actually love him.” 

“Then what are you still doing here?” Theresa asked and gave him a shove. 

And so Zayn ran, he didn't know where exactly until he ended up in front of a small apartment building. 

“Zayn?” 

Zayn turned around to see Louis standing with his hands in his coat pockets and his hair tucked into a beanie. 

“Louis, have you seen Liam?” 

“Yeah, he's in there.” Louis nodded up to a window. “Wanna come in?” 

Zayn stood there for a moment, starring at Louis, at nothing, wondering how he got there, what he was doing there. 

He knew how he just didn't know why. 

Was it because some drunk girl with a nice smile and a pack of smoke told him to? Did he actually believe what she said? Was he that drunk? 

“You coming in or not?” Louis asked and it took Zayn a moment to remember who he was. 

“No.” 

And that was that.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

“What do I have to do around here to get an easy fuck.” The man growled and Zayn tried, again, to shove him off but he wouldn't budge. 

“There's corner a couple blocks down, they do it for free if your nice enough. Otherwise it's about ten and hour.” Zayn said. 

The man laughed and put one foot in between Zayn's legs, the other a step back helping to keep him in place. 

“I'm not in the mood for a stretched out whore.” He said and his smile dropped. “Bet you're tight, bet you'd be so tight on my-” 

“Listen, you can get off me right now or I can start screaming bloody murder and, trust me, I can get pretty loud.” 

The man only smirked. 

“Oh, I bet you can.” 

It was when the man started reaching lower than his waist that Zayn jerked his knee up right into the guys crotch and ran for it. 

Timing is everything. 

Like timing up the rhythm of your hips with the song as you grind into the stranger behind you or timing up the exact hour a club closes with your escape plan so that it's easy to get lost in the crowd and away from whomever your running from. 

And Zayn was gone, just like that, right on time. 

It was a sick fantasy, he'll admit, getting into trouble just in hopes that a certain stranger would show up and save his ass yet again. But it had been weeks since he had seen Liam and weeks of getting himself in and out of trouble was becoming routinely boring. 

So Zayn slipped into an always open, four-booth diner for a milkshake and quite possibly the faint hope of seeing someone he knew there. 

“Zayn! Haven't seen you in ages!” 

Zayn looked to the counter where Harry stood with a smile that seemed to match his stripy apron. 

“Hey, Liam's not here s'he?” Zayn asked walking to the counter and glancing around again, just in case he missed something the first time. 

“It's like midnight, mate.” Harry laughed. “He's probably working. Fancy a drink?” 

“You don't happen to have any rum with you, do you?” 

Harry smirked. 

“More of a gin guy myself.” 

“That works too.” 

And that's how Zayn and Harry ended up sprawled on the tile floor of the kitchen giggling at the chef and taking turns tipping back a flask. 

“Can't believe you, Doctor Harry, number one: works at a measly diner-” 

“Hey! This is a fine establishment I'll have you know!” Harry laughed back but Zayn continued. 

“And secondly, drinks gin in the back room as he does it!” 

“First of all, student loans don't pay themselves. And, number two, _nurse. Nurse_ Harry.” Harry corrected. 

“How many more flasks you got Nurse Harry?” 

Harry laughed and knocked the one Zayn was holding right out of his hand. “That was the last one you twat.” He laughed. “You drank all my gin!” 

The chef looked back over his shoulder and Zayn clapped a hand over Harry's mouth. 

“Shhh!” He said but broke into laughter and the two giggled like a pair of school kids in trouble. 

“That's Peter.” Harry whispered loudly to which the chef, Peter, shook his head. 

“Does Peter make grilled cheese sandwiches?” Zayn whispered back. 

“Peter.” Harry whisper-yelled. “Zayn wants to know if you make toasted cheese.” 

“ _Grilled, grilled_ cheese Harry!” Zayn corrected before giggling. 

“Peter, Peter, can you make _grilled_ cheese?” Harry asked and Peter turned around with a sigh which sent the two into another fit of giggles. 

“Go home, both of ya'. Go on, I won't tell Oliver or nothin', just get home.” Peter said and Harry ended up calling Louis to come pick them up which he did several minutes later. 

“That gin was for my cokes you toss pots! You think I go into that dumpster of a restaurant to _not_ drink free alcohol?” Louis complained as he turned another corner. 

“Louis? I didn't know you lived 'n the same buildin' as Liam?” Zayn spoke up as they pulled in front of a familiar apartment complex. 

“Not for much longer.” Was all Louis said before parking and hopping out. 

It was quiet when they walked in and quiet when they took off their coats and everything was quiet until three am when Harry ran to the bathroom, flicking on every light and stumbling through the hall. 

Then it was quiet again until Liam stumbled out blearily from his room and Louis ran across the hall from the spare room into the bathroom. 

“Zayn?” Liam asked rubbing his eyes with the backs of his knuckles and squinting at the sudden brightness of his flat. 

Zayn sat up on the couch where he was previously sleeping and pushed his hair away from his face though it ended up falling back anyway. 

“What'r you doing on the couch?” Liam asked leaning against the corner of the hall where it met the living room. 

“Eh, sleeping.” Zayn said and if he wasn't half asleep and still half drunk he would have laughed. 

“Yeah, but the sofa? Can't be good for your back.” 

This time Zayn did laugh and sunk back down into the cushions. 

“'M serious mate, come sleep in my room.” Liam offered and Zayn stopped laughing and turned to look at Liam. 

“And where will you sleep?” 

“Uh, next too you.” Liam stated as if it were obvious and then thought for a moment. “I mean, Lou and Harry do it all the time. I could sleep on the floor or something.” 

Zayn smirked. 

“You know, whatever said I wasn't gonna save your ass anymore anyways. Sleep on the blasted couch, get scoliosis for all I care.” Liam shrugged and then continued mumbling as he retreated back down the hall and shut his door rather loudly for the tiny flat. 

And Zayn would have. He would have slept on the blasted couch and not given a damn if he got scoliosis but he couldn't. He couldn't fall asleep for the life of him. Even when Harry and Louis went back into their own room and shut off all the lights and another hour passed he couldn't fall asleep. 

So Zayn got up quietly and walked down the hall and slowly turned the knob and pushed open the door to Liam's bedroom and crawled ever so carefully into the empty space next to his sleeping figure. 

Liam turned over and Zayn froze but Liam just looked at him for a while before saying, “I'll go sleep on the floor then.” and started shuffling out of the bed but Zayn grabbed his arm. 

Liam just looked at the hand wrapped around his bicep then at Zayn with a confused shocked look evident in his features and lit with blue shadows. 

“Stay.” Was all Zayn said and Liam did. 

He crawled back under the covers and tucked them up to his neck and Zayn didn't let go of his arm, he just pulled it over himself so that it was draped over his side and pressed his back to Liam's chest. Liam couldn't help but smile, eyes closed, as he drew Zayn in tighter and slid a leg between Zayn's. 

“You're a complicated guy, you know that?” Liam said through tired lips bent in a smile. 

Zayn simply nestled further into the pillow. 

“So I've been told.”

-:-:-:-:-:-:-

“This is why he always buys them, because you always burn them!” 

“They're a lot harder then they look, I'd like to see you try!” 

“I would love a go! I use to be a baker you know.” 

“Yes, harry, for the love of God we know!” 

“Has anyone seen Zayn?” Liam asked shuffling tired and concerned out of the hall and into the kitchen. 

“I thought he left?” Louis said flipping over another dark pancake. 

“He was on the sofa last night so, maybe he woke up and went home. Proper bed and all.” Harry suggested. 

“No he was-” Liam started then looked to Harry's patient face and Lou's growing smirk. “Never mind.” 

“I knew it! I knew you had sex! I knew it!” Louis jumped up then turned to Harry with an open palm. “That's five quid from you Harold.” 

“Louis! We didn't- you guys bet on us having sex?” 

“See told you.” Harry butted in. “Looks like you owe my five quid.” 

“But none of you saw him? He was already gone?” 

“Look, Liam.” Louis softened. “People like Zayn- you can't exactly expect them to stick around. They're not relationship type. They don't want commitment and honestly, look at the lad. He popped out of no where, drunk and nearly beaten which he continues to do by the way. We barely even know the guy-” 

“You left the door unlocked.” 

Louis turned and Liam looked up and Harry nearly broke into tears because he was too innocent to witness heartbreak like this. 

Zayn stood five feet from the door, bag in hand, eyes red, heart ripped to shreds. 

“And you're right, Lou” He said then walked slowly to Liam handed him the bag before whispering. “You don't know me at all.” and left.

-:-:-:-:-

Liam ran, he threw the bag on to the counter but it slipped and hit the floor and pancakes went flying and Liam decided he didn't let Zayn leave at the diner for a reason and he wasn't about to forget that reason. 

So he ran. 

He ignored Harry, glared at Lou and ran like his life depended on it because his heart depended on it. He stumbled down the stairs and fell out the door and ran into several people as he sprinted down the street looking for any sign of Zayn, but he was gone. 

And Liam stood there panting and seconds away from losing it, gasping in cigarette smoke and cursing everyone because he didn't smoke and- 

He didn't smoke. 

So Liam turned the corner and sure enough, there Zayn was, a trail of white dissipating behind him as he walked through the ally. 

“Zayn!” 

Zayn stopped turned and waited for Liam to jog up to him, stomping out his cigarette in the process. 

“Zayn.” Liam gasped. “Louis was-” 

“Right.” Zayn interrupted. “Louis was right. You don't know me, you don't know what I do, you don't know where I come from. You don't know, Liam. You never knew. But for some unbeknownst reason you decided to help me. More than once, actually because your too Goddamn good for this world!” Zayn took a deep breath in and blinked away tear and ran his fingers threw his hair. “And I can't love you the way you deserve just yet, I never- I never learned how and you don't deserve that and-” 

“I'm not asking for you to love me, Zayn.” Liam cut in quietly as he took a step forward to brush a tear from the olive skin of Zayn's cheek. “I'm asking that you stay.” 

“I'm sorry Liam,” Zayn took a step away from the hand that cupped his cheek. “Louis is right, freaks like me- you can't expect us to stick around.”

-:-:-:-:-:-

Zayn never got farther than the diner and maybe that was his own fault. But, as he sat in a faded red booth sucking down a chocolate milkshake until his teeth hurt and his temples throbbed, he blamed it all on Liam. 

Because if Liam had never helped Zayn that night, Liam would have gone home without him and never of learned his name or wonder about the next time he would see Zayn. And then he wouldn't have stuck around to talk that second time at the bar, he would have gotten Zayn a drink and be on his way. He would have never watched with jealousy as the stranger danced against Zayn and, therefore, he would have never seen that man chase after Zayn into the toilets. He wouldn't have recognized Zayn's voice in the ally or get yelled at by his boss or screw up more drinks than he could remember because Liam would never even thought of Zayn. 

Because if Zayn hadn't finally found what love felt like, one week wouldn't have seemed like a lifetime and his heart wouldn't constantly bleed at the sound of memories and he wouldn't have to know what missing someone felt like. 

“Hey Juliet.” 

Zayn looked up and licked over his frozen teeth and nearly screamed at the sight of Theresa because she was just another memory to look at. 

“Hey.” 

Theresa sat down in the booth with a vanilla milkshake of her own and tucked her feet under her. 

“How's Romeo?” She asked and Zayn just looked at her a moment longer before turning back to his drink. 

“Feeling very star-crossed right now, thanks.” he said and wondered when sad replaced cocky in is voice. 

“Oh, c'mon not with this 'I'm not meant for love' moody shite.” She rolled her eyes and took a sip of her milkshake and looked to Zayn for him to continue who stared at the corner of the booth. 

“I told him.” 

Theresa nearly jumped up. 

“That you love him? And he feels the same?” 

Zayn nodded small and she nearly squealed. 

“That's great, Zayn!” But Zayn looked away and she scrunched her mouth and rested her chin on her hand. “What is it your bummed about then?” 

“I told him I couldn't.” 

“You what?” 

“A fr- someone pointed out some things, some true things about me and Liam doesn't need those things in his life.” 

“And who are you to decide what Liam needs in his life?” Theresa raised her eyebrows and stirred her straw around in circles. 

“It's too late now anyway, told him I wasn't sticking around. And that was a week ago.” 

“And look where you are now.” She leaned back smugly and crossed her arms. “I'll tell you what I think, I think your both right idiots.” She nodded. “And I think, if you haven't skipped town yet, ya never will. So what's the point of staying in this God forsaken, depressin' little village if you can't get some good shags out of it?” Theresa shrugged and took a sip of her milkshake. 

“The worst is, I know he'll forgive me. That's just who he is and I can't- I can't keep taking advantage of that.” 

“Love, if I know anything about arse over tits, you're the definition. Don't torture yourself with this whole 'I can't love' because you'll never actually know unless ya give it a go. And who better to love than someone who loves you?” 

Zayn sat and starred at his melting milkshake that at the girl across the table then out the window behind her and into the street filled with people. All sorts of people; couples, enemies, drunks, mothers and the ones fallen out of love. Suddenly Zayn felt small, insignificant and everything else felt dumb. 

“Love seems like a whole lotta trouble.” Zayn said but stood up, shrugged on his coat and smiled. “Good thing I'm great at trouble.”

-:-:-:-:-:-

It was by chance Zayn went the next day to Liam's apartment, by luck Louis decided to go that same day and by coincidence they arrived at the same time. 

“Zayn.” Louis stopped a moment and so did Zayn and there were several questions all at once, not spoken but still there. “Look, Zayn what I said-” 

“Was true.” Zayn interrupted because he didn't come for an apology. 

“No it was unfair of me to- to say what I said without really knowing you I just-” 

“Lou, It's okay.” Zayn smiled and Lou shook his head. 

“Never been happier to admit I was wrong, can tell you that much.” Louis said and started up the steps of the building before pausing, turning and twirling the keys in his fingers. “You coming?” 

Zayn wondered for a moment how on earth he got there, how it all came to this, how everything in his life seemed to be ending and beginning all at once. 

“Yeah,” He nodded. “Yeah, I'm coming.” 

By the time they reached Liam's floor, Zayn's heart was stitching itself back together and Louis was the quietest he had ever hear, but he was glad, glad Louis let him sort it out before they actually got there. And when they did, Louis tossed him the key. 

“It's not my place to be here.” Louis explained when Zayn looked at the keys confused and then he added, “And I definatly don't want to be there when the snogging starts.” 

Zayn would have laughed, maybe, if he wasn't choking on thoughts as he watched Louis retreat down the hall they came through before looking to the key hole and taking a deep breath. 

“Oi!” Louis yelled just then from down the hall. “Top left draw!” and the he disappeared into the lift. 

“Top left-?” Zayn repeated but he shook it from his mind and stuck the key in the hole, twisting it an pushing open the door. 

“Lou?” Liam called out and Zayn wondered how the sound of Liam's voice felt so familiar yet so new at the same time. “It's on the counter, some stuff fell out so I just kinda shoved it back in there, wouldn't really fit though. 

“S'not Lou.” 

Liam turned so suddenly Zayn was sure he got whiplash. 

“Zayn?” 

“Hey.” Zayn smiled and then realized where he was, what he was doing. “I just- Louis was here and he gave me the key. I just wanted to say sorry, for like everythin' and I was a twat and a drama queen and, honestly, I wish I would have stayed. I mean I didn't go far but I wasted a lot of time doing nothing but thinking about how wrong I was to push you away just because I didn't think I was anywhere near your league and I guess I just thought it wouldn't last long. But I- I came here because I haven't ever tried so fair warning and all but I'm willin' to give it a go if you'll let me.” 

Liam blinked and Zayn breathed for once and they both were silent for a moment, together. 

And then Liam was running again, running towards Zayn and then he kissed him. 

It was his last chance to save Zayn, not from drunk men or touchy strangers or shady bathrooms. Liam saved Zayn from himself. He brought back something Zayn had thought he lost years ago and held it in his heart for him because Liam, no matter what, would always be there to save Zayn's arse. 

“Of course I'll let you Zayn, shit- I- I knew you'd come back.” Liam gasped, reluctantly breaking the kiss. 

“Yeah?” Zayn breathed just as hard, out of breath and out of excuses not to love Liam with everything he had. 

“Was counting on it really.” 

“For what?” 

“I never got to do this.” 

And then they were kissing again and Liam lifted Zayn over his hips and walked towards the hall best he could with his eyes closed. 

Needless to say, he tripped more than once and they ended up nearly falling, laughing and deciding it was easier, and safer, to just walk to the bedroom. As soon as they got there, still laughing, they were making out again and eventually made it to the bed. 

Liam was gentle as much as he was strong and Zayn was careful in what he did, sweet in how he touched and loving in every aspect and Liam wondered how he could think he was incapable of love when he loved so well. 

Clothes came off easy and fast like their breath and Zayn never understood when people described love like fire until now. He was in flames, dangerous, starving, desperate flames and it felt like Liam was touching him everywhere. 

But if someone asked him, fire wasn't right word. Fire was too inconsistent, too various in the temperatures it held inside it's flames. Fire came in all sorts of colors, green, blue, orange, red, but all Zayn could see was the black behind his eyelids and Liam. 

And it felt like the sun. 

Wrapped in warmth, every inch the same, feathery heat and it lit up their hearts like the stars and dilated their pupils the size of the moon and Zayn finally understood how something could hurt so good. 

Then Liam started down his neck, down his chest. He tangled his fingers in Zayn's on either side of his head and kissed the red ink in the center of his chest. Then he stopped. He watched Zayn's chest rise and fall, watched his eyes blink open and his tongue drag across the inside of his lips. 

“You're beautiful.” Liam said, brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen across Zayn's eye with the tip of his finger. 

“Not so bad yourself.” Zayn smiled and squeezed his hands around Liam's. 

“Do you- you want to do this?” Liam asked and Zayn's smile stumbled and fell. 

“I haven't- I've never really had sex before.” he said and Liam went quiet. 

“Zayn.” Liam started, stopped and took a breath. “This isn't something we have to do right now. This isn't a deal braker or- if you don't want to we don't-” 

“I do.” Zayn clarified quickly. “I do I just- thought you should know.” 

Liam smiled and kissed him quick on the lips. 

“I you ever change your mind-” 

“I'll let you know.” Zayn nodded against the pillow. 

Liam paused for a moment, edges of doubt brushing against his thoughts but he trusted Zayn and, what more, Zayn trusted him. 

So Liam crawled off Zayn and went through the drawers of his dresser then the two bottom on his nightstand. 

“What are you lookin' for?” Zayn asked watching Liam shuffle stuff around and push things to the side. 

“Can't remember where I kept the rubbers.” Liam muttered doing the same thing to a new drawer. 

“Been that long, huh?” Zayn laughed. 

“Look whose talking.” Liam shot back playfully. 

“Fair enough.” Zayn smirked and then turned to the side. “Try the top left drawer.” 

Which Liam did and found what he was looking for. 

“How did you know?” Liam asked looking to Zayn with furrowed brows. 

Zayn shrugged. 

“Lucky guess.” 

-:-:-:-:-:-

“How are you feeling?” Liam asked tracing the tattoos on Zayn's arm. 

“Good, exhausted.” Zayn replied picking at the lose thread of the duvet. 

Liam laughed and Zayn could feel it from where his back rested against Liam's chest who was leaned against the headboard. 

Neither of them knew what time it was neither of them cared. It was perfect, just how they were. Actually, it was far from perfect. 

Liam ripped the first condom he tried to open and Zayn finished way before Liam and ended up giving him a hand job to finish him off. Liam bit Zayn's lip on accident but Zayn actually kinda liked it and they laughed. A lot. 

It was far from perfect and, if he could start over, Zayn wouldn't change a thing. 

Because, now, as Zayn drifted off on Liam's chest, drooling a bit on his arm, he knew love doesn't need you to be perfect, love wants you to be fearless.

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics (Italicized at top of summary) from [Two Heads](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAeWAwdZf9I) by [Coleman](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCwJLiTXreMZIiUsVbJGB8A)
> 
> Title from [TiO](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jamlKW9hrjQ) by [Zayn](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCy5FUarBYUHFpPtYVuvzgcA/videos)
> 
> everything else by [me](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/zaithiest) ;)


End file.
